Dreading tomorrow...

The kids will be visiting their pediatrician tomorrow. Milo is getting his 18 month check up (even though he is 20 months old) and Ella is getting her 4 year old check up. As I mentioned before, Ella is due for her MMR booster but since she had such a horrific reaction to her first MMR I have asked the doctor to give her a Titer's test to confirm that she does indeed need this booster. She is going to send us to the lab to have blood drawn for the test. Fingers are crossed that she will not need the shot. And Milo is overdue for his first MMR. I have been waiting as long as possible for this one. All I have been doing is going back and forth about whether or not it is a good idea for him to be immunized with this vaccine. There is so much controversy surrounding this particular shot. And since Ella has such severe allergies, I am always looking for a direct cause. Her reaction was so severe that I almost rushed her to the emergency room. Extremely high temperatures and a measles-like rash all over her abdomen and arms, a week after receiving the vaccine.

As horrible as that was I remain a person who believes in vaccinating her children. I have a friend who lost his 2 year old to the flu. She had not gotten a flu vaccine that year. While it is true that vaccines are never a sure thing, they are our best chance of protecting against nasty bugs.

As a parent, I am always questioning every decision that I make. I have to fight back tears as I hold my children when they get shots. It is something that gets worse as time goes on, not better. As it is happening, I pray that what I am doing is the best thing for my child. My job is to protect them, after all. "Please make this the right thing. Please do not let this harm them. Don't you dare cry, Heidi!" These are the thoughts that loop in my head, as I wait for the painful scream. Oh, I am truly a wimp. Most times, my children surprise me. They often look at the administering nurse with a defiant look, "Is that all you got?" And then we get our reward prize and go on with our day. But this one is different. I know that the stakes are high. Hopefully Milo's body chemistry with have no issue with the vaccine and there will be no side effects. Needless to say I am saying my prayers before bed tonight. Please don't let this hurt my baby...